"Parenting.txt" - Views: 1,646 · Hits: 1,646 - Type: Public

I assume it's not a good practice adding too much info at one place, so I decided I should just create an additional link where I give more info about my problem.

With the risk of sounding stupid to some people, I think there might be some other people like me. Same attitude towards life and same problems with their parents. So I decided to create this post not only to help myself stand stronger against the problems but also to help other people in the same situation, by giving them hope they aren't alone. Let's get down to the cheese.

This has been a problem to me, roughly estimated, since first or second grade. The time I started educating myself more rapidly.

Have you ever felt that your life just coudn't get better and then get back home to your parents and get spilled over with tons of negative energy?

Have you ever tried to be the more positive as possible and then hear your parents tell you that you should stop flying that high in the clouds and step a little bit more firmly on the ground of reality? It might have it might haven't happened to you. Well, this was the wish from my father for my last birthday.

Have you ever been told that you're wrong and that you should do things as told, unless you want to become the cleaner(I know there's a more appropriate word for this but don't quite feel like searching for it nor I will feel to the end of this post, so feel free to stop reading if you find it annoying) of the building you live in? What if you're told this especially when you're in the peak of your education? Most people would say here education is quite abstract word. Yes it is but in my case is being practical with computers programming.

Have you ever felt that nobody understands you just because your parents don't?
Have you ever wanted them to stop criticising you and start focusing more on their own lives, when sometimes their own lives can be a total mess but still manage to show you the "right" path for your life?

Have you ever wanted them to stop giving you the type of advices that actually say do this do that?

Have you been hearing for years talks about education while they get none for years? And meanwhile you get plenty of...

Have you heard enough of "you should learn to respect your parents more" when you're just simply trying to keep to your opinion?

Have your been grounded for almost most of the summer after school(this is the vacation, the biggest one in our country after school finishes) just because you weren't interested in the subjects they teach you at school but being very interested in something else, in my case computers and not only?

Have you ever felt that your parents want you to live your life the way they didn't live theirs but wanted?

Have you ever felt that your parents are only interested in the grades you get in school and not at all of the real achievements you get in life?

Have you ever come back from school with a lower grade and being very, very scared what will happen now because of a single stupid low grade? Is the world going to end? If not how are 
you going to live with yourself from this moment on?

Have you ever wanted your parents to encourage you to do the things you love and not to pay attention to the things that you're not interested in? Or probably it's the opposite? Making you do the things you hate and avoid doing the things you love?

Have you been hearing enough hassles for the least thing could happen(most of the times not even bad) at home or somehwere else?

Have you been hearing of the excuses of your parents for not becomming successful? Something like successfull people are the ones that cheat on life, or some others who are just born this way? That it is almost impossible to succeed in life in this time but still managing to tell you what to do in order to succeed?

Have you ever felt that your parents have all the time needed or at least pretty much enough to turn their lives over for the better but instead prefer staying all day long in front of the TV? Meanwhile "knowing" everything from experience how it should be done and how not? When the only thing in their lives that have been growing rapidly is age? What I say is experience doesn't come with age but with practicing.

Have you ever heard of your parents telling you how much worse some people live than we do, just in order to feel better after seeing that things can be improved drastically(for example overweight or living better in general). It's funny... really.. but when it comes to positive thinking and seeing everything that we do have their arguments are "welllll, we're fine(what they really mean is really, really bad) but look how rich some people are".

Have you ever been told not to show off with your skills at anything, the moment when you're at your peak and meanwhile your parents without having acquired any new skills for more than 20 years telling you you should learn this and that look you woudn't be able to fix a light bulb in the future, my father's most loved quote "Look at me I might not be able to work with computers but all the different things I can do and you can't do none of them(when they really are just few not (a few) but few things that really aren't even practical these days".. and doing this all the time comforting themselves they are still "good" at something when they are really just looping in their teenage years. Last hundred or so words in just a single, short sentance- 

Have you been told you should learn much much more when your parents aren't learning and haven't been learning anything for the last decade and how you should do it when they really have no idea?

Have you ever been told you can't do smth when actually your parents can't do it themselves and want you to do it for them? My dad always brags about how I can't communcate with people, the funny thing is that friends has always noted me if not for anything else at least for being quite good at communcation. The even funnier part is that my dad is one of the shyest people you could ever see and really isn't able to communcate with people... He says I'm not able to do this when we talk and he wants me to do what he says or think like he thinks and me not agreeing to do it. Sometimes me getting angry for him doing it(I think it's normal if you're being said this all the freakign time such conversations happen) and when you really know that this is simply a stupid manipulation to make you do like they want.

Have you ever been criticised for doing things wrong when they themselves have no god damn idea how to do them?

Have you ever been back from a really hard workout just to see your parents at your place sitting in front of the TV wasting their time like always and start giving you advices again what you should do and what you shoudn;t????

Have you been afraid of telling them the truth you just not to hurt them and meanwhile this preventing you from living freely your life?

Have you ever felt that they are so lazy to do smth but they want it so bad that they make you do it instead of them and excusing themselves with "being very tired" when they really have been spent the whole day in front of the TV or similar activites(when I say TV I mean leasure time)?

Have you ever been taught by your parents how you should keep good and healthy relationships with people when they themselves not only that don't have almost any friends but also can't even talk to each other normally? And meanwhile you're having a pretty good relationships with people..

Have you noticed how bad your parents' habits have become that they don't even realize what they are doing and how bad it is? If my dad drives me anywhere and I don't hear him scream at somebody out of the car's window he somehow doesn't feel complate afterwards. He feels that he is giving justice this way(just a simple example with you it could be totally different). When my dad drives the car slowly and somebody just passes us without saying anything or looking at us he gets very angry starting to shout what does this idiot thinks he is doing blalblalblalbla so on and so on. When my dad drives faster and sees smb who drives slower, same thing all over again why the hek does this idiot drive so slow, stupid snail blablablabla so on and so on.

Have you had enough of listening to your parents criticising you and other people when the thing they should really do is improve themselves? It's so easy saying look at him he is blablabla when you yourself are doing same s***t most of the times. I don't think it;s that easy doing the opposite. Seeing what you do wrong and not criticising people for anything but just mind your own busines.

Have you ever been accused by your parents of doing smth wrong or getting angry at smth when the problem is that they themselves are getting angry at that very thing or doing it wrong? A few weeks ago my mam came at my grandmother's and I was listening to my music as always, like any teenager likes it a bit louder(what I mean by a bit is really just a little bit, as far as it is possbile for a laptop to be loud from its own speakers volumed down on half) actually this isn't loud at all. She came inside and started maoning and groaning because of the music. SHe didn't say anything up until one moment when she started telling me how much this music makes me angry and how I shoudn't listen to that loud music.

Have you been hearing enough of how bad our lives are when actually they are pretty much amazing?

Have you seen your parents finding an excuse for every single important thing they should do in their lives in order to get better?

Have you heard your parents saying how they have no time reading any additional literature about self improvement or whatever it is when what they really mean is we're totally lazy doing this. It's much easier watching TV why should we sweat it doing anything else when we're comfortable just like this.

Have you ever heard of your parents saying anything postive about their lives recently? Well I haven't. I don't think I ever have. The most postiive thing I've ever heard that I can remember of right now is "Weekend is comming". At the weekends they can rest because they got really tired bragging about negative things in the working days. Now they can do it in the weekends it sounds much better and relaxing. If you didn't know it's these 2 things are totally different, resting while working hours and resting in the weeeeeekend. The weekend is actually more restful. So you know now I can continue.

Have you had enough of hearing that they want to learn smth but there's nobody that can teach them this? If you haven't I've had enough if this bullshit. Since 4th grade, now I'm 12th my dad comforts himself with the following saying: "I've always wanted to learn computers but you don't want to teach me". First of all my opinion on things is that in life you learn everything on your own no matter what. Second when you're not really interested and not willing to spend time on whatever the hek it is you're just not going to learn it. Get on with it. Fourth you can always find excuses for not learning something. Fifth I spent 2 years teaching my father using the Shift and CapsLock on the keyboard what are they used for and how. Every single time he didn't get it , I was the one who he would blame it on. Look at yourself you're not even able to explain such a small thing to a person how are you going to succeed in life???? How am I going to succeed in life people, please howww?? If I can't teach a person to use shift and caps lock for 2 years??

Have you felt that your parents aren;t that good as you used to think they are when you were a little boy or a girl? For example recently I realized why my dad asks for "help" every single time he does something on the car or wherever it is. Even the simpliest thing he does now he needs help. THat's a habit of his now. ANd he really can't do almost anything in his own because of this habit. In the beginning it started just by needing attention to see if anybody cares about what he is doing because obviously he knew he isn't doing something very special. Then it became an obsession having smb just even to watch him doing whatever he is doing just staying there wasting the other person's time just so he feels important afterwards. You'd probably suggest me making him feel more important. Well trust me it gets worse when he feels he is important he gets even more bosssy. And he becomes always the right person.

What I noticed with my family is if I don't get angry about something they just don't stop. They just don't... They do it until I get angry, unless I do get they don't stop. NEVER! So 3 years ago when I noticed that I started using it in order to prevent them from changing me and so on. But hten later on along the line I realized that I'm becomming just like them. Angry and confused. Although I managed to realize this it was so god damn hard to stop doing it because it was already a habit of mine. Two days ago I just said to myself that's it. I'm not getting angry anymore at this. No more.. No more wasting my life, time and energy on getting angry just to stop them from changing me. I'm going to change this on my own. So we had an argument again I got very angry(this is before I said to myself I'm not getting angry anymore), later disgusted of myself for getting angry. In my anger I did very amusing thing I tried to change them, to tell them if they don't educate themselves at least a bit before talking I'm not willing to talk with them anymore. I know this thing is vry bad but I was in rage what could I do(of course walking away :D instead of continuing talking). Anyway I don't expect them to change and probably they won't. I don't care. What I want to achive here is just to mind their own businesses. I just got tired of getting angry all the time. I;'m not that type of person. Also tired of getting nagry from them and then spilling all my emotions over my fiends. Because I'm the type of person who talks too much when angry(smth I'm aware of and going to change).

Long story short my parents have given up on life. Once when I started giving too much of "advice" to my girlfriend and a fr and noticed they stopped listening to me at some point I started doing reasearch about that. WHat I learnt is that unless you're helping physically, if you're just giving advices and similar you first should be totally aware of your own life. What are you doing, how are you doing it, why are you doing it, what is the purpose and so on. All of these and many before before trying to give any piece of advice to anybody. We people are created to think we're right. So this is going to be always in our nature. We just can't change that. What we can change is the way we educate ourselves so that the chance of being the right person increases. Well here it comes the problem with my parents. They don't want to improve themselves because, obviously it';s much easier just to tell other people what to do with their lives. But most of the times (the way I see things) is they are wrong.

There's much more I'd like to share but this until next time. This is pretty much enough of info for now. Hope it helps you understand the situation I am currently at more clearly.

I've been in all of these sutiations enough times to be able to write this post for 5 minutes.