Gay test okcupid top or bottom
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It was mind-blowing, really. It almost felt as if I were coming out to myself again. I mean, I had to literally re-examine my life. How could I not see this before? Or more importantly, why have I been wasting all this time dating other bottoms? His response: I thought you knew. Last summer, I began dating a guy who was always the bottom when we had sex; it just sort of naturally happened that way. I thought nothing of it since I was very attracted to his good looks and Jamaican charm. Yet after a while, I slowly lost interest. There was something about being the dominant counterpart that subconsciously made me feel very uncomfortable. Without fully understanding why this was, I eventually gave him the fade out and told him, and myself, that we were just not compatible. It makes perfect sense. Sometimes we as gay men have no choice but to identify with one of the two terms. In the world of online dating, most guys care more about this label than they care about what you do for a living. To many, dating someone who identifies with the same label as they do is simply a waste of time. I personally never liked the idea of limiting my already small pool of possible mates in half, which was the root of my ongoing skepticism of the terminology. In a biological sense, it is physically impossible for only certain men to like it up the butt. So what is it then; are tops essentially the gays who are too scared to have a foreign object up their ass? While this may be the case for some, many swear by the label. Lesbians do it too, without using the terminology we do. I have to admit, even I ask my lesbian gal pals in relationships: Which one of you will wear the tux at the wedding? The funny thing is, they usually have an answer. Do we need to do so in order to feel more normal in the eyes of society? Or is it simply a natural part of human to human connection? Many people like myself seem to hesitate identifying with only one of these roles due to the extreme stereotypes of each label. Some are also turned off by the fact that it limits their ability to swing the other way. Of course no one wants to be submissive all of the time or vice versa. However, we all carry a specific gender identity that exudes a certain degree of masculinity; and in return, we are attracted to a certain level of masculinity in others. Some research tells us that a strong human to human connection may be correlated to the balance of masculine and feminine qualities between two people. In this sense, maybe the terms top and bottom are not only related to sex. I must unwillingly admit, bottoms stereotypically share many qualities with straight women. We are generally more relationship-oriented, expressive and sensitive than tops. One night stands, fuck buddies, LTRs — anything. The group of guys dancing at the local gay bar — bottoms. The guys on OkCupid looking for dates — bottoms. And yes, the ones reading this article — all bottoms. So now for another important question: where are all the tops? This self-realization has opened a can of unanswered questions that I may never find the answers to. But at the end of the day, I must be doing something right. So whoever decided that it was wrong to be a slut should come up with a better plan to figure all of this stuff out. There are just so many variables here. The time of day, the softness of the bed, distractions in the background, the attractiveness of the guy, whether you had fiber in your diet for the day. This is why our community is so sex-phobic— we lose our masculinity if we identify as the bottom. Someone needs to educate people like the author about proper sex roles. In order to best get the point across without having readers sit through paragraphs of drobber unlinking traditional and quite usual gender roles to already assumed and cataloged characteristics, he uses general titles for the collection of traits. The fact that somebody can get offended that the author is putting ideas into terminology understood nearly universally, rather than breaking off into sexual jargon, is absurd. It would be a disservice otherwise. This has nothing to do with my diet, anatomy, or any other physical trait. I would just rather be pegged than stick my own in somewhere. I will only date tops, because these men, like me, know what they prefer, and more often than not, complement my attributes in a relationship. My biggest issue with bottoming is the hygiene part.