Look, I know this is your second date and she still hasn’t given you “clear signals” yet — that moment when you look into her eyes she looks back, but not quite long enough; or when you found a reason to lean into her, she was looking away, busy picking the lint off her coat.
The “perfect moment” you’re desperately searching for hasn’t appeared yet. It’s hard, I know. But for the love of god, just shut up and kiss her.
I know she seems a bit conservative and gave you this whole spiel about how she wants to be sure of what she wants before she gets involved with somebody. I know the waiter seated her across the table from you at dinner, and god forbid you actually get up and sit next to her. It’s really hard, I know.
But please, shut up and kiss her.
I realize you don’t want to seem like that cheesy guy who tries too hard to put the moves on her. I know that all of those kino escalation patterns you studied online seem really complex right now and how the hell are you supposed to skip step C1 when you haven’t completed A3 yet? But dude, shut the hell up and kiss her. Seriously, just do it.
I realize you may be worried about consent issues and coming off as creepy or too forward or too horny or disrespectful or embarrassed or you may piss her off. But seriously, just kiss her. If she turns her head just apologize and say you got the wrong idea.
Onion breath? Buy some fucking gum.
Stop talking. You’ve been talking all night. Stop trying to entertain her. Stop trying to impress her or make her think you’re this deep, insightful, brilliant guy. Just grab her, pull her into you and lay it on her. I promise, it’ll be OK. You just need to shut your damn mouth sometimes and speak with your body.
You may be inexperienced. Maybe you’re a virgin. Maybe you’ve never kissed a girl. Maybe that embarrasses you. Well, you have to start somewhere. Shut up and do it.
I know that your favorite pick up guru said not to kiss in clubs and then the other guru said that he kisses like 15 girls in clubs in a night and then the other guru says that you should just go straight for blow jobs and then the other guru said you need to use kissing as a compliance test and then this other guru said never kiss her in front of her friends and then your best friend said he buys her dinner and then kisses her afterward and you don’t know who to listen to.
Seriously, shut the fuck up. Just kiss her.
OK, but really. You’re nervous. That’s what this all comes down to. You’re nervous and you’re not used to being sexually forward. You get the butterflies in your stomach and you sit there paralyzed, looking at her, listening but only half listening, talking but only half paying attention to what you’re saying. It’s hard. I get it. I was there too. Many times. We all have been.
Take a deep breath. Look at her. Lean in gently, and just do it. You don’t need an excuse. You don’t need a perfect moment. You don’t need a signal. You don’t need permission or a bright glowing neon sign that says “KISS ME!” The fact that she’s there with you, the fact she cleared her Thursday night plans to be there with you, the fact that she’s listened to you for a solid three hours without getting up and leaving — that’s all the signal you need. She’s there. Waiting. You’ve been respectful. You’ve shown her a good time. You made her laugh and smile.
Now shut up and kiss her.